Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Deceiving Love

Sitting in the passenger seat of a beat-up Cadillac, the road spread out in front of Renay like an open book. To most an open road symbolized freedom, adventure, and hope. But to the doleful Renay Blake, it might as well have symbolized the end; the end of a 5 year relationship, the end of lifetime friendships, the end of any hope that her senior year of college would end up even close to the way she wanted.
It all started with Greg, her boyfriend of 5 years and the driver of the car Renay was in. Although Renay and Greg had managed to cruise through their relationship with nothing but some minor speed bumps, lately things had changed- for the worst. Greg had been making mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night and leaving for hours on end, then always being secretive of where he was. Greg was usually loquacious but recently he seemed laconic and detached from all his conversations with Renay. And when she tried to get through to him he just rebuffed her and shut down completely. Renay was confound, she didn’t know what was happening or what she had done to be allienated. All she knew was that everything was wrong.
And then there were her best friends from high school, the girls she grew up with, the girls who were her sisters. It didn’t feel like sisterhood anymore. Whenever Renay hung out with her friends they were always super secretive, whispering and giving each other looks, never letting Renay in on what was happening. One of the girls Brooke was being especially bitchy. More than that, she was being plain trulucent. She wasn’t a really great friend to begin with, she was always vilifying people and starting drama. The others just stayed friends with her because they were all childhood friends. But recently Brooke was crossing the line. Whenever Renay would ask what the other girls were whispering about Brooke would whip her head around and exclaim “Just stay out of it Renay!” and none of the other girls would stand up to Brooke or say anything about it. Renay didn’t know what she did to provoke her friends to act that way.
To top it all of Renay had been kicked out of the group’s senior trip. A couple weeks ago Renay had asked the girls about where they were going and Brooke sneered “Myrtle Beach.”
Renay was surprised. “Weren’t we supposed to all decide on the place together?”
“The people who are going did decide on it.” Brooke had said, with an expression on her face that said she was serious.
“What?” Renay whispered.
“You’re not coming with us.” Brooke said bluntly. “Why don’t you just go with Gregory?” she muttered under her breath.
So Renay did go with Greg. Even though the two had been distant they decided on a nice quaint trip to Cape Cod, and Greg booked a hotel, picked the date and everything. Renay was surprised- she usually had to make all the plans, and when she asked Greg for his input ‘Whatever you want to do’ was usually his unhelpful response.
Even though it had been nice of Greg to make all the plans Renay was still unhappy. She sat in Greg’s car enroute to the Cape and could only think of the worse- what she thought was inevitable.
It’s over. Renay thought to herself. He’s taking me here to break up with me. Renay sighed and rested her head against the top of the car door and tried to look at the landscape passing by to get all the acrimony and bad thoughts out of her head. She tried to act sanguine but she couldn't. She still felt morose.
Renay was an all around average girl, brown eyes, wavy brown hair, and a winning smile. Although she was blessed with a good heart she was also cursed with an overactive mind- always thinking 'what if', predicting the worse and overthinking the simplest situations. And although she tried to make herself be optomistic, she always ended up making a mountain out of a molehill in her mind.
Then after we breakup there’ll be no one left for me, Renay concluded. I know they all think that I spend too much time with Greg or that I’m ignoring them or something like that. God, I promised myself that I wouldn’t turn into one of those girls. And it was all for nothing. After this vacation I’ll be left with absolutely no one.
“Babe, we’re here.” Greg said, nudging Renay’s elbow with his. Renay looked around in confusion.
“This isn’t the hotel...” She said. It was beach overlooking the ocean with a scenic lighthouse placed perfectly near the shore. “What are we doing...?” Renay turned to see her boyfriend laying a red and white checkered table cloth on the sand and taking out a bottle of champagne.
“What’s happeni-”
“Just sit down.” Greg said with a smile Renay couldn’t refuse. She was so confused but she joined her boyfriend and curiously watched him pour the champagne.
The sun had almost finished setting and the moon was making its first appearacne of the night. The sun was trying to stay alive in the horizon but it was being destroyed by the dark abyss of the night sky. It was all very romantic but Renay couldn’t ignore her initial thought that she was being dumped.
Greg turned to Renay. “Renay...” He started.
“Greg I’m so sorry!” Renay said jumping to her feet. “I don’t know what I did or what happened but I’m so sorry!”
“Renay, nothi-”
“I should have helped you with whatever was wrong, I should have been there for you, and I am so sorry if it was all my fault...” Renay was now pacing on the checkered blanket.
“Rena-” Greg tried desperatly to quell his girlfriend.
“I’m just so sorry Greg, I don’t know what’s happening and to top it all of my friends ar-” Renay stopped pacing, stopped talking, and almost stopped breathing.
“Greg,” she said slowly. “Why are you on one knee?”
Greg gave his girl a sheepish smile and pulled out a jewlery box out of his back pocket.
“Renay,” He said slowly. “Will you marry me?”
Renay’s heart skipped a beat. “So wait.. you’re not... we're not... breaking up?”
Greg’s face fell. “Of course not!” He exclaimed. “Why would you think such a thing?”
“You were making all those phone calls and disappearing for hours...” Renay kept going on. “And you wouldn’t talk to me Greg..”
“Renay I was going ring shopping!” Greg said. “And I was calling all my big brothers, they’re who I go to talk about all this stuff and they’re so far away right now.” Greg sighed. “And sorry if I wasn’t being myself, I was just so nervous.” He sighed again and looked up into Renay’s eyes. “This needed to be perfect.”
Renay laughed a little. “It all makes sense now.” She said. Her face soon fell again. “Except for now my friends hate me...”
“What?” Greg said. “That wasn’t part of the plan...”
“What plan?” Renay asked.
“Your friends, they were all in on this.” Greg said. “I told them to say they were leaving you out of the trip so you’d come to the beach with me...” He smiled. “They didn’t really go on the trip without you though, they just said they would. And I went to them a lot for advice and suggestions, so if they were acting weird and surreptitious, they were probably just discussing the things I told them.”
“But Brooke was being so...mean!” Renay said.
“When isn’t Brooke mean.” Greg said. “I don’t see what you and your friends see in her. Anyways she’s probably just jealous because she thought her boyfriend Doug was going to propose to her...”
“But he ended up dumping her instead.” Renay finished his sentence. The two of them laughed. They held each other’s hands just smiling and staring into the other person’s eyes.
“Renay... it gets really uncomfortable on one knee.” Greg said jocularly.
“Oh Greg!” Renay laughed and got down on her knees to be eye level with her boyfriend. She gave Greg a kiss that knocked both of them down on the sand. “Yes!” she yelled, and the two kissed again.
“I love you Renay.” Greg said.
“I love you too Greg.” Renay said finally content with the way things were.

3 comments:

  1. 1.)The main character is Renay.
    2.) The conflict of the story is that Renay thinks her boyfriend is going to break up with her and her friends are all excluding her. This is a external conflict, man vs. society.
    3.)The climax of the story is when Greg brings Renay to the beach and she doesnt have any idea what he id doing.
    4.)I liked how they resolved the problem, they talked about it and then he asked her to marry him.
    5.) The story was super good and believable it flowed and everything.
    6.)I think the stories greatest strength is the resolution when Greg proposes to Renay because it is just so unexpected.
    7.)I think the part of the story that is lacking is the rising action when Renay is mad at her friends. I dont know why but it was a little strange on what they were actually doing to Renay.

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  2. 1. The conflict is that Renay thinks that her friends don't like her anymore and she thinks her boyfriend is going to break up with her. It was internal. It was resolved by Renay finding out that it was all part of Greg's plan and Greg proposes. =] I was very interested in the resolution.
    2. Renay changes because at the beginning she is kind of sad and when she thinks Greg is going to break up with her she just kind of excepts it, but by the end she tries to make up with Greg but then finds out he's proposing. The change is important because it affects her happiness.
    3. My FAVORITEEE part of this story is the falling action/resolution. I loved how they were together in the end.
    “You were making all those phone calls and disappearing for hours...” Renay kept going on. “And you wouldn’t talk to me...”
    “Renay I was going ring shopping!” Greg said. “And I was calling all my big brothers, they’re who I go to talk about all this stuff and they’re so far away right now.” Greg sighed. “And sorry if I wasn’t being myself, I was just so nervous.” He sighed again and looked up into Renay’s eyes. “This needed to be perfect.”
    I liked this part because it showed how much Greg really cared about Renay and it made Renay understand everything.
    4. The story's best quality is the plot. It is very enthralling and really makes you want to know what's going to happen to the characters. It was also a really nice story.
    5. The theme of the stroy is that things aren't always what they seem. That sometimes you can be creating a huge disaster in your head when really it's nothing. Or even something really good.
    6. I think there could maybe more of a character change. There is a little but you could put in a little more. But overall i reallyyyyyy LOVEDDDDD this story, sooooo much. Great job Sophiaaa!

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  3. Thank you Ashley and Sabree:)

    VOCAB WORDS:
    -surreptitious
    -acrimony
    -jocularly
    -quell
    -rebuffed
    -loquacious
    -morose
    -laconic
    -confound
    -provoke
    -sanguine
    -vilify
    -doleful
    -allienate
    -trulucent

    I hope we weren't supposed to do them in the order they appeared in the story. Because those words are not listed in the order they appear in the story.

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